Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
