That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
