i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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