don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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