I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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