i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
