What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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