You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
