So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
