guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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