Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
