wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
