Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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