Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
