i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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