Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
