Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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