im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
