What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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