I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A+ Viking dick
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
