so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
