It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
