I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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