she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
