I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
In America we eat man semen.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
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I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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