who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
