The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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