i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
