I'm gonna have a badass scar
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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