i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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