I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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