i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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