Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
