he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
