the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
