3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize