but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
