It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
