If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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