cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
