I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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