you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
