As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
