Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
