I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
we're so committed to being not committed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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