3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
