When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
