He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
