mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
