Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
