Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
