tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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