had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
