very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
please come you make the beer taste better
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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