If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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