I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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