I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
