ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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