i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
