my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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