I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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