So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
