I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
