I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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