You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
