Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
