I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
