I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
