He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Edward fifth and chaser hands
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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