as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
